Why My Husband Won’t Send Me Flowers This Valentine’s Day
Every year on February 14, the high school office turns into a floral distribution center. The front counter is covered in roses by the dozen, single roses in bud vases, stuffed animals, bouquets, balloons—stuffed animals holding bouquets and balloons.
A whiteboard is posted outside the office, listing the girls who can stop by between classes to squeal, “He’s so sweet!” To avoid classroom disruptions or broken vases in the hallway, the flowers remain in the office until the end of the day. It really is a spectacular sight. (And expensive! How do teenagers afford this?)
And then there are those girls—like me—who will never see their name on the whiteboard. And every year a student will ask, and I will have to explain, why my husband doesn’t send me flowers. This scenario has played out so many times over the years that they all blur together—except that one time.
That one time that is my favorite Valentine’s Day story…
It is the last hour of the day and, of course, one of the freshmen has to ask, “Mrs. Sargent, did your husband send you flowers?”
I smile and prepare to launch my mini comedy routine. “No, he didn’t. Do you want to know why?”
The students nod, and so for comedic effect, I work up a ridiculous twang to deliver Hubby’s excuse for not sending me flowers. I deliver it slowly, twangy, emphasizing each syllable.
“Flowers are not a good symbol of my love because they die.”
The students laugh, not so much at what I said but at how I said it. But I laugh because it’s funny. I know the real truth: Hubby is a tightwad.
Before the laughter dies down, my classroom door opens, and guess who’s standing there?
My students giggle and look at me with big eyes because…well…I almost got caught making fun of Hubby. So I decide to let him in on the joke.
“Hey, I was just talking about you.” (The crowd snickers.)
“You were, huh?” He smiles. He gets my brand of humor and knows something’s up.
“Yeah. I was telling the kids why you don’t send me flowers.”
Immediately he launches into his excuse (twang-free): “They’re not a good symbol of my love because they die.”
The kids burst into laughter. He waits for it to die down.
He raises a decorative tin heart into the air.
“That’s why I bought her fudge. It will stay on her hips forever.”
Silence. No one laughs.
Okay, that’s not true. The classroom erupts!
And so do I.
Because I get his brand of humor.
My favorite part of telling this story over the years has been the responses I get. Most ladies laugh with me, some can’t believe I laugh about it at all, and a few seem downright insulted…and that really makes me laugh.
But still, after all the years, and after all the retellings of that story, I won’t get flowers for Valentine’s Day this year.
But that’s okay, because before we go to bed tonight, Hubby will grind coffee beans and set the timer, so I have fresh coffee in the morning. And when my alarm goes off, he’ll hit snooze for me at least three times even though he may have gotten off duty at 3:00 a.m.–because the clock is on his side of the bed where it’s been for almost 32 years. And nobody has mastered packing a dishwasher like he has. I think he’d call those good symbols of his love.
Oh, and the fudge? Yeah, it’s still hanging around.
And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. –1 Cor. 13:13
What is the best Valentine’s gift you’ve received? (It’s okay to make me jealous.) Or the worst? Comment below or share The MOM Journey and you could win my Valentine’s give-away–a Hobby Lobby gift card! I’ll email the winner on Valentine’s Day!
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